Identity Issues

Lately I have been having an identity crisis. I often ask myself: "Who are you? Why are you still here? What do you want people to remember you for when you die? I want so badly to make my children into wonderful people, but how can I do that if I don't even know who I am?" I sometimes feel like I get lost in the daily whirl of meals, cleaning and diapers. At times I can't even hear myself think. When you are plunged into a deep depression on top of everything, then other problems on top of even that, you really start to wonder how far The Big Guy is going to push you.
Just when I think life couldn't possibly get any worse, I have one of those "AHA!" moments. Sometimes it comes from something I'm reading or watching, sometimes from a friend, and sometimes even from myself. So after days of soul-searching, here is what I have come up with:
I realize that all I want out of life is to be surrounded by people who care about me, and know that I care about them.
When I am gone, I want people to say that I was friendly, generous, and that my children turned out wonderful.
I am a wife, mother, sister, daughter, granddaughter, niece, aunt and professional whatever-I-want-to-be-this-year.
I am a fierce friend to those that appreciate me, and I am willing to help anyone in need.
I have decided I love my husband, and I will bend over backwards to please him. He takes good care of me, and what we have is worth fighting for. Every day.
Screw the old ghosts and the traitors.
My children are my legacy, they are why I am still here. I am the one who is going to make quite sure they turn out right.
I am going to live every day like it's my last, but I will dream like I'm going to live forever.

I Feel Weird

Have you ever "just had a bad feeling"? The past several days I have had this strange, foreboding sense that something awful is going to happen. It's really starting to affect me physically too. I am tired all the time no matter how much coffee I drink, and my stomach stays in constant knots. I am on the edge of bursting into to tears at any second. Maybe it's the stress of my husband being on night shift, the weird schedule, worrying about him getting enough sleep, etc. I don't know. All I know is I feel weird. What makes me nervous is that I have a very keen sense of knowing (a.k.a. "sixth sense"), that has rarely let me down. Very often I have predicted things that came true. I usually don't tell people when I have one of these "insights", because I don't want them to think I am a freak. I am certainly not saying I believe in fortune telling or any of that evil stuff- I do think perhaps it could be my guardian angel whispering things in my ear. I have never felt this physically drained as a result of a "bad feeling" before though. I am going to go kiss my boys goodnight and then use my baby girl for a teddy bear- maybe a good night's sleep will make me feel better.